hi. it's been a while.
So I left you guys on the biggest cliffhanger of 2017 with that ending, sorry. I had a couple friends of mine text me if I was ever gonna finish the story and what happened to my blog. Honestly, I just forgot about it.
After graduating high school, I got so caught up in life. New boyfriend, going to university, making new friends, trying new drugs. One thing I can say for sure though, 2017-2020 were the worst years of my life.
I hated the relationship I was in. I hated him with all my guts and never even found him attractive, and yet I stayed for 2 years. Why? Lord knows. All I know is that I never loved him for a second, I was just bored.
University? Also a mess. My first year of uni I got kicked out because I didn't have enough credits. I transferred to another school and I'm still there because your girl never learns to focus.
Since 2017 I've lost a lot of friends. The "underwater snakes", as you guys may know, split up and I'm only in contact with 2 people out of the group. Besides Jer, I don't really have anyone else I consider a best friend. Yes of course I have friends at school and I still am on good terms with the people from ICU, but it's not like how it used to be. A lot has changed.
He changed as well.
He has two kids now. He moved back to The Netherlands after she became pregnant and lives with her in The Hague. They seem happy.
I'm happy for him.
But that chapter is closed and I haven't thought about him in almost 2 years, because now, 8 years later, I can finally admit that it was never love. Everyone thinks he's my first love, but he doesn't deserve that title.
Alexandre does.
I've dated my fair share of men. I tried so hard to find the love that I wrote about in my songs, but I always knew it was in vain and out of boredom. Maybe that's why I only wrote break up songs for over 7 years, since I never knew what love felt like.
Until I met Alex.
We met in the most romantic but unromantic way possible.
It was during my study abroad in Portugal that we met. I was in the train with my friends on the way home from the beach and right in front of me was standing the most handsome guy I had ever seen in my life. From his physique, to his hair, body and tattoos. I wanted him. I turned around and told Jer that he was my dream guy and most of the time the story stops there, but not this time. I don't know what divine energy gave me the courage to do what I did, because remind you, we were at the beach all day and I looked like a burned chicken nugget, but I walked up to him and said the lamest sentence ever said in human history:
"Hey, can I just say.. you're really hot. Like really hot"
Someone gaslight gatekeeper girlboss me, please.
He gave me a quick head nod and thank you, and I didn't expect much from it, tbh. I just felt like I needed to tell him how handsome he was.
and it worked.
Right before the last stop of the train, he asked for my instagram and I asked him if he was single. He told me it was complicated and replied the same, as I was also kind of "seeing" someone at that point. After we parted ways, I decided to DM him with, again, the lamest sentence ever:
"hello future husband"
seriously, light me on fucking fire. I got the driest "hey" back and after some small talk I kind of forget about him for a month. Until he invited me for drinks in one of the last weeks of my study abroad. I got ready but he was still at work, so I invited him over to my place at night. Yes people, the introverted Ira invited a random stranger to her house at 1AM for drinks and drugs while living abroad on her own. My mother would be so proud.
And the rest is history. We spent the most wonderful 20 days I had left together and I knew, I wanted him for the long run. I didn't have much hope at first, because with him living in Lisbon and me living in Amsterdam, how could we make long distance relationship actually work out?
Yet here we are, almost a year later, planning to move in together.
