Blue Dogs & Black Birthmarks: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Should've swiped left.

08-10-2016

That was the day I swiped right. If only I swiped left that day, things wouldn’t have been so complicated.

You know what, let me tell you everything. Let me tell you the story of the one and only guy that could put me in depression for months.

So it all started in October when I downloaded Tinder because some dickhead I dated (if you can even call it dating) end September decided to show his true colors. I think almost everyone who reads my blog knows that I fall for the the typical fuckboy. They just make me swoon and sweat and I can’t.

Okay back to the story.

So I started swiping, praying to God that my new boy toy would help me forget my old one.

Stop.

There he was. I don’t know what came over me at that moment but I just fell in love. He had something. There was one picture of him showing his back and damn that booty was poppin’, lemme tell ya that. He looked familiar too. I started to think about it but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it hit me. It was THAT guy.

A few months earlier another friend of mine downloaded Mint (like Tinder but almost no one uses it) and she saw this Asian dude. She texted me like “Homegurl, I found your next husband, you’re gonna love him”. 

It was him.

She sent me some pictures and I got thirsty  so I told her to hit me up. Eventually we forgot about it because only creepy old white dudes use Mint, so she deleted it.

Back to October.

I immediately swiped right and have mercy on my soul, we were a match.

I didn’t think much of it. It would be one of those “hey how are you good me too great” type of conversations. At least, that’s what I told myself.

Buzz.

I got a new message.

And this is something I will never forget. The worst fucking pick up line ever. Are you ready?

“Hey are you summer? Cuz you’re hot ;)”

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I was desperate, thirsty and bored so I looked past his failed attempt of flirting and talked to him.

Best mistake ever.

We clicked, like for real. We moved from Tinder to Facebook and let me tell you, a dolphin was born. Every time the Messenger notification came, I dived. What happened to the whole wait a few minutes before you open a message rule? It disappeared.

I even spend my whole trip to Barcelona texting him. I needed a Go Fund Me page after that trip because my phone bill was hella high.

At this point we were talking to each other like we were in a relationship. Remember we hadn’t even met. It just clicked.

So I came back from Barcelona and we'd discussed it for a really long time now.

Let's have a date.

We started planning and thinking about what we could do for our very first meeting. Dinner would be awkward because what if I spilled some pasta or got something stuck between my teeth. An amusement park would be a bit over the top (and remind ya, EXPENSIVE) and a coffee date was a serious no-go, we all know why.

So let me present you our first date.

The woods. The fucking woods.

Who in their right minds would have their first date, with a guy she met on Tinder, IN THE FUCKING WOODS? 

Me. I did.

How that ended up, that's for another day.