Do you really wanna know why?

There he was. 

The last guy I kissed before I sobered up.

I couldn't approach him sober, I had to get drunk again and fast. So instead of walking up to him I made a U-turn towards the bar. I drank half a bottle of tequila in a matter of seconds. Not a single drop left. I wanted more, I needed more. I kept on telling myself that I was trying to get wasted so I could throw myself at that fine young man again. I kept looking for more alcohol.

Everything that would make me forget about what had just happened in the bathroom.

Bingo, a full bottle of vodka. I felt like a obese kid in a candy store, my happiness was indescribable. Smiling from ear to ear I reached out to this bottle of heavenly poison. Well, I tried. Someone held me back before I could.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing now?"

Great, him again. The one person at this party that I didn't want to see. I wanted to scream and tell him to mind his own goddamn business but I couldn't find the strength. Who the fuck does he think he is? Why is he taking care of me like I mean something to him? Why was he acting like a fucking boyfriend all of a sudden? He lost that title months ago. On the other hand, one part of me was happy. He didn't leave. He didn't stay put in the bathroom. He went after me. Did I still mean something to him?

Again, I hadn't noticed that tears were falling freely from my eyes. Thank god he couldn't see them. My stare was fixated at my fucked up Dr. Martens. I wanted to look up and meet his eyes but I couldn't do it. Not again.
I was avoiding his stare like the plague and he knew exactly why. We both knew that the moment I'd look up shit would go down. I would either be throwing hands or making out with this man. Oh yeah, remember the 10 shots I took before he held me back? Yeah.. I'm feeling those right now.

I couldn't do it. I can't put myself through that pain again twice in the same night. Eventually he would get tired of this, right? I do have to say, from where he was standing, if he looked down, there was one nice ass view. Proud lover of my boobs, fight me.

Distracted by my boobs, I didn't realize his hand was moving. All of a sudden he grabbed my face and forced me to look up at him. Fuck, that was sexy as hell.

This time his eyes weren't empty. His eyes were filled with something.

It wasn't the connection we lost, it was fire.

His face was a mix of anger, sadness and exhaustion. His body was tense and his grip on my cheeks tightened to the point it started to hurt but I was too focused on his gaze to even feel that pain. He didn't look like the 19 year old guy I started dating way back. He looked like a man ready to take on the whole world and let me tell you, it looked sexy as fuck. If it wasn't for our fight in the bathroom or the intense glaring I'd bang him right there, on the kitchen counter, in front of everyone. I swear to God, I'd probably looked like a hamster. Or a fish..you know Miss Puff, or whatever her name was, from Spongebob. That type of fish, what's it called agai-PUFFER FISH. I swear, I looked like a puffer fish at that moment but he didn't seem to care. He wasn't even looking at my boobs, the disrespect.

"You wanna know why? You wanna know why I dumped you in such a fucked up way? You wanna know why I blocked you everywhere?"

And that's when I heard the words that took away my happy thoughts about banging him. The words I thought I would never hear. The answer I thought I would never get.

That's when he said:

"I..."

-to be continued-